The Story

Emma had worked in the organisation for almost three years. She enjoyed her role, got on well with colleagues and had consistently received positive performance reviews. Her line manager had often described her as reliable, thoughtful and someone who quietly got things done. Six months ago, a new team leader, Mark, joined the department. Mark was experienced, ambitious and keen to improve the team's performance. He was well regarded by senior managers because he challenged people to think differently and pushed for high standards.

At first, Emma appreciated his energy. Gradually, however, their interactions began to change. During meetings, Mark often interrupted her.

"Let's keep this moving."

Or,

"I think we're overcomplicating it."

When Emma suggested an idea, Mark frequently moved on without discussion. A few minutes later another colleague would make a very similar suggestion.

"Exactly," Mark would say. "That's the kind of thinking we need."

At first Emma assumed it was coincidence. Later she wondered whether she was imagining it.

Mark also began copying senior managers into emails asking Emma to explain relatively minor issues. When discussing mistakes during team meetings, he occasionally used Emma's work as an example.

"Let's all learn from this."

When other colleagues made similar mistakes, those conversations usually happened privately. He often joked that Emma was "our perfectionist" or "a bit sensitive."

Everyone laughed. Emma laughed too. She wasn't sure why the comments left her feeling uncomfortable.

Over time, Emma noticed something else. The rest of the team had started adapting to Mark's style. When he interrupted her, nobody questioned it. When he joked about her, colleagues smiled politely and the meeting moved on. Informal lunches increasingly happened without her. Nobody deliberately excluded her; invitations simply happened in conversations she was no longer part of.

Each incident seemed too small to matter. Each one had a reasonable explanation. Mark was under pressure. He treated everyone differently. Perhaps she really was too sensitive.

She told herself: "Maybe this is just his management style." "Everyone else seems fine." "Perhaps I'm overthinking it."

Gradually, however, work started to feel different. Emma found herself checking every email repeatedly before pressing send. She rehearsed what she wanted to say before meetings. She stopped volunteering ideas.

By Sunday evening she was already worrying about Monday morning. Her partner commented that she seemed quieter than usual. Emma wasn't sure what to call what she was experiencing. She wasn't even sure whether anything was actually wrong.

Asking for Help

After several weeks, Emma emailed her line manager.

"Would it be possible to have a chat sometime? Nothing urgent — I just wanted to talk about how things have been going."

Her manager replied almost immediately.

"Of course. This week is quite busy, but let's catch up next week."

The meeting was later postponed because another deadline became urgent. Emma did not mention it again. Two weeks later, after another difficult team meeting, she asked once more. Her manager suggested combining the conversation with their monthly one-to-one.

The Meeting

The meeting began as it usually did. Emma's manager opened the performance dashboard on the screen.

Manager: "Let's start with your objectives. Overall things are going well, although I've noticed you've been contributing less in meetings recently. Is everything okay?"

Emma hesitated.

Emma: "I don't think it's the work itself..."

Manager: "Okay... is it the workload?"

Emma: "Not really."

There was a short silence.

Emma: "I just feel like... things have changed a bit."

Manager: "Changed how?"

Emma struggled to answer. Nothing that had happened sounded particularly convincing when described on its own.

Emma: "I don't really know. Sometimes I feel like whatever I say gets dismissed."

Manager: "Can you give me an example?"

Emma described a recent meeting where she had suggested an idea that had been ignored before someone else repeated it.

The manager nodded.

Manager: "Mark can be quite direct. That's just his style. He's very focused on keeping meetings moving."

Emma wasn't sure whether that was the point she had been trying to make. She mentioned feeling increasingly uncomfortable during meetings.

Manager: "Have you spoken to Mark about it?"

Emma shook her head.

Emma: "I don't really know what I'd say."

The manager smiled reassuringly.

Manager: "Sometimes these things are just misunderstandings. Different personalities don't always click."

Emma nodded. The manager continued.

Manager: "To be honest, I've had really positive feedback about how Mark has strengthened the team's performance. I wonder whether it's partly a confidence issue? You've seemed quieter recently."

Emma immediately questioned herself. Maybe it was her confidence. Maybe nothing unusual was happening.

The conversation moved back to objectives, deadlines and development opportunities. As the meeting ended, the manager closed the laptop.

Manager: "Anything else you'd like to discuss?"

Emma looked at the clock. She thought about trying again. Instead she smiled.

Emma: "No... I think that's everything."

Manager: "Good. Let's focus on building your confidence over the next few months. You're doing a good job."

Emma left the meeting feeling disappointed. She couldn't explain why. The manager left believing the conversation had been supportive.

Over the following months Emma became increasingly withdrawn. Her sickness absence increased. Eventually, her performance, which had never previously been an issue, began to decline.

Pause and Reflect

First, name what actually happened

Before reflecting on feelings and intentions, it helps to separate the behaviours in the story from the interpretations placed on them. Try listing, in your own words, every distinct behaviour Mark directed at Emma (e.g. repeated interruption in meetings, public correction while others were corrected privately, a diminishing nickname used in front of the team, gradual exclusion from informal social contact).

• How many distinct behaviours did you count?
• Individually, how serious does each one seem?
• Does the list look different once the behaviours are seen together, over six months, rather than one at a time?

This exercise matters because workplace bullying research does not define the phenomenon by any single dramatic act. Established measures like the Negative Acts Questionnaire (Einarsen et al 2009) deliberately describe specific, everyday behaviours such as having your opinions ignored, being exposed to persistent criticism, or being ignored or excluded without ever using the word "bullying," precisely because the pattern is what carries the weight, not any one incident.

If you were Emma...

• At what point would you have started wondering whether something was wrong?
• Which single behaviour, if it had happened in isolation, would you have brushed off, and why did it feel different once it was part of a pattern?
• What made it difficult to explain your experience in the meeting?
• Would you have left that meeting feeling heard?

If you were one of Emma's colleagues...

• Would you have noticed the pattern, or only the individual incidents you personally witnessed?
• Would you have interpreted Mark's behaviour differently?
• What is the difference between "not intervening because you didn't notice" and "not intervening because you noticed but assumed someone else would act"?
• If not intervening, what specifically stopped you, discomfort, uncertainty about what you saw, or a sense it wasn't your place?

If you were the manager...

• What signals did you notice, and which ones did you explain away?
• Whose explanation did you rely on more — Emma's account or your existing view of Mark's reputation and performance?
• At what point could the conversation have taken a different direction?
• Did your questions invite Emma to say more, or did they (even unintentionally) invite her to agree with a reassuring explanation

Behind the Case

Why this situation is difficult

Why didn't Emma simply say, "I'm being bullied"?

Most people assume that someone experiencing workplace aggression immediately recognises it. Often they do not. When behaviours are subtle, people spend weeks or months trying to make sense of what they are experiencing. Each interaction has a plausible explanation. Each incident seems too minor to justify concern. Together, however, they create a pattern that gradually erodes confidence, trust and psychological safety. By the time someone seeks support, they may still be uncertain themselves. Emma wasn't looking for an investigation. She was trying to understand whether what she was experiencing was normal.

Why didn't the colleagues intervene?

The colleagues also experienced uncertainty. Each person saw only fragments of the story, one interruption, one joke, one meeting, one email. Nothing appeared serious enough on its own. Over time, Mark's behaviour became normal. People adapted. Some laughed because everyone else laughed. Others assumed Mark simply had a demanding management style. Uncertainty does not affect only targets; it also makes bystanders hesitate.

Why didn't the manager recognise the problem?

The manager cared about Emma. They replied quickly to her email, arranged a meeting and offered reassurance. Nothing they said was intentionally unsupportive. Yet throughout the conversation they searched for explanations within Emma, was she less confident, was it a misunderstanding, were personalities clashing, rather than becoming curious about the wider work environment. At no point did they explore whether repeated interactions within the team might be contributing to Emma's experience. Several opportunities to understand the situation were unintentionally missed.

What Could Have Changed the Story?

A different outcome did not necessarily require a formal complaint or an investigation. Several small, independent moments could have shifted the trajectory, not just the manager's.

If the manager had opened differently:

"Before we look at objectives, I'd like to check in. I've noticed you've seemed different over the last few weeks, not quite yourself. I may be wrong, but I wanted to understand how things have been going, both in your work and within the team."

When Emma struggled to explain, the manager might have responded:

"That's okay. You don't need to have all the answers today. Sometimes people notice work feels different before they can explain why. Let's take our time to understand what's been happening."

Rather than defaulting to a confidence narrative, the manager could have explored:

• Have your relationships within the team changed?
• Are there particular situations where you feel less able to contribute?
• Have there been interactions that left you feeling uncomfortable, even if you're not sure why?
• What has made it difficult to talk about this?

If a colleague had acted on a single observation:

No colleague needed to see the whole pattern to make a difference. One person quietly checking in after a meeting, "that seemed like a rough one, are you okay?" or one person pausing before laughing at a joke at Emma's expense would have interrupted the normalisation, even without naming what was happening. Bystander research suggests that a single visible act of concern can be enough to break the diffusion of responsibility that keeps everyone else silent.

If Mark had received different feedback from senior management:

Mark was rewarded for "challenging the team" and "pushing for high standards" without anyone examining how that challenge was distributed. If senior managers had asked how Mark's approach was experienced across the whole team, not just what results it produced, the behaviours might have been visible much earlier, without Emma having to raise anything at all.

If the organisation had built in more informal check-in points:

Emma's only structured route to raise a concern was a monthly one-to-one focused on objectives, easily displaced by deadlines. If teams have regular, protected space to talk about working relationships and team dynamics, not only tasks, employees don't have to wait for something to feel serious enough to justify asking for a special meeting.

Let's reflect

The aim in each case is not to decide immediately whether workplace aggression has occurred. It is to create enough openings, from any direction, for someone to explore uncertainty before harm escalates. Prevention often begins long before a formal report, and it rarely depends on only one person getting it right.

Prevention Challenge Table: Recognising Subtle Workplace Aggression

Prevention Lens

This case illustrates that prevention begins long before a formal complaint. When workplace aggression is subtle, uncertainty affects everyone involved: the target, the bystanders and the manager. Prevention depends on creating environments where people feel able to explore concerns before they are certain that something is wrong, and where responsibility for noticing doesn't rest on any single person.

Questions for Your Own Practice

If you are a manager...

Emma did not ask for an investigation. She was looking for an opportunity to make sense of what she was experiencing.

• When someone asks to talk, do you create dedicated time, or combine the conversation with a routine performance meeting?
• How often do your one-to-ones include conversations about team dynamics and wellbeing — not just tasks and objectives?
• If an employee struggled to explain what was wrong, would you feel comfortable exploring that uncertainty, or would you feel pressure to identify a clear problem immediately?
• How do you respond when someone says, "I don't really know what's wrong, but something doesn't feel right"?
• Notice your own attributions: when performance or engagement dips, how often do you first look at the person, versus first asking what might have changed around them?
• Looking back at Emma's story, where do you think the greatest opportunity for prevention was missed?

If you are a colleague...

Many experiences of workplace aggression develop gradually, making them difficult to recognise from any single vantage point.

• If you noticed a colleague becoming quieter or withdrawn, would you see this as personality, or would you wonder what had changed?
• Have you ever laughed along with a joke, or stayed silent during an interruption, because you were unsure whether it crossed a line?
• Bystander research suggests that the more people who witness something, the less likely any one person is to act, because everyone assumes someone else will. Have you noticed this pattern in yourself?
• What would it take for you to act on a single observation, rather than waiting until you were certain?
• Looking back at Emma's story, could one small action from a colleague have changed how isolated she felt?

If you are reflecting on your organisation...

Preventing workplace aggression is not only about responding to complaints, it is about creating conditions where concerns can emerge early.

• Does your culture encourage conversations about workplace relationships before problems escalate?
• Are managers supported to recognise subtle behavioural changes as prompts for curiosity, rather than performance issues to be managed?
• Is psychological safety understood only as "people should feel able to report," or also as "people should have space to think out loud before they're sure"?
• Are leaders like Mark ever assessed on how their results are achieved, or only on the results themselves?
• If Emma worked in your organisation, what would have happened differently?

Looking Back at the Story

• At what point did you first become concerned about Emma?
• Which moment do you think represented the greatest missed opportunity for prevention?
• Which character's actions had the greatest influence on how the situation unfolded: Emma, Mark, the colleagues, the line manager, or the organisation?
• If you could change just one moment in the story, which would it be — and why?

If You Were Emma...

If you found yourself in Emma's situation, what would you do next? One of the most difficult aspects of subtle workplace aggression is that it can be hard to know whether what you are experiencing is "serious enough," or even whether you are interpreting the situation correctly.

Remember: you do not need to have all the answers before talking to someone. Seeking advice does not mean you have decided to make a formal complaint. Sometimes the first step is simply talking through your experience with someone you trust, to help make sense of what has been happening.

Depending on your circumstances, this might include:

• a trusted colleague
• your line manager (if you feel comfortable doing so)
• another manager or senior leader
• Human Resources or Occupational Health, where appropriate
• an employee representative or trade union representative
• an Employee Assistance Programme (EAP), if available
• a trusted friend or family member
• an independent external organisation

If you are in the UK, organisations such as Acas provide free and confidential advice on workplace issues, and if you are a union member, your trade union representative can help you understand your options and the support available.

You do not need to decide whether what you are experiencing "counts" as workplace aggression before asking for advice. Talking things through with someone you trust can help you recognise patterns, explore your options and decide what, if any, steps feel right for you.